When I am at church or at home and singing or praying, why do I look up? What am I looking for when the bible says Jesus is in my heart.
Ephesians 3:17 that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love.
I always look up as if Jesus is somewhere high up and I feel the need to wrestle him, plead with him to be close to me on the outside of me.
Psalm 121:1-2 I lift my eyes up toward the mountains. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
Despite knowing in my head Jesus lives in my heart I was looking for Jesus outside myself. Trying to pull him down when all the while he resides in my heart. 2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me.
I could not fathom how God could be in me if my insides were so dirty. So much shame and dirt I felt inside my heart. Inherently dirty because of what had been done to me. I was saved and I believed in Jesus with my whole dirty heart. He couldn't possibly live in there because of the filth that wasn’t my fault and the dirty brickwall of shame I had built in my heart to protect myself. Romans 8:39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I read the verse in Galatians. I had read it a million other times, and this time it was different. Why am I looking up for Jesus instead of looking inside for Jesus? Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
I always understood I was unclean, but not in the usual “everyone's heart is unclean before we accept him.” I was unclean on a much deeper level because of what was done to me. “No good thing in me” was a concept I understood and fully embraced at 6 years old, because of the assaults I endured as a child. Romans 7:18 (NIV) For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.
I recognize that without Jesus, I am not good. Everyone is unclean because we are born in a sinful world, with a sinful nature.
Matthew 19:17 So He said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good but One, that is, God. But if you want to enter into life, keep the commandments.”
But the things that happened to me as a child was not my fault.
Matthew 18:5-7 And whosoever shall receive one such little child in my name, receives me. But whosoever shall offend one of these little ones who believe in me, it were profitable for him that a great millstone had been hanged upon his neck and he be sunk in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of offences! For it must needs be that offences come; yet woe to that man by whom the offence comes! (Darby Translation)
I was looking up and out for Jesus because I couldn't bear the idea that Jesus could be in me because of how dirty I was inside. Once I realized the truth, I begin to look for Jesus inside my heart. Chin to chest.
I looked to Jesus in my heart because I finally felt like he could be found in my heart. It had been clean this whole time.
Hebrews 10:22 let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed in pure water.
The tears I cried were sobs of healing when I finally realized, I did not have a dirty heart. He had made me clean the day I accepted him as my Savior.
Isaiah 1:18 “Come, let’s settle this,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are scarlet, they will be as white as snow; though they are crimson red, they will be like wool.
The question still remained, why does it matter if I look up? I know it matters, but I don't know why.
I recently had a diagnostic procedure scheduled and the night before, I was negotiating with Jesus. You know Jesus, I’m going to be under anesthesia tomorrow so you know, if you wanted to hang out, reveal something to me, that would be totally cool with me.
Before I went under, I was a little nervous and so I was singing in my mind, in my heart. A worship song I cannot even remember now. The Nurse anesthetist said she was going to count for me 1..2...tingling in my brain and…I was out.
In recovery, the first thing I audibly heard myself say was "I was singing.” Not sure what that meant at the time. I got dressed and prepared to leave.
Later after I was fully awake and headed home, I asked Ross, what did I say when I woke up out of anesthesia.
Ross- “You said, you were singing at the feet of Jesus". Wow.
He answered my prayer in the best way possible. I was able to sing at the feet of Jesus. And because I was at the feet of Jesus that allowed me to look up at him. Wait, I'm at his feet looking up to him. And singing to him, praying to him, being still and knowing He is God. Meditating on him.
This is the answer to my question; I am compelled to look up because I have decided to be at the feet of Jesus. I am allowed to look up. Jesus loves that I'm at his feet. John 12:3 Then Mary took a pound of perfume, pure and expensive nard, anointed Jesus's feet, and wiped his feet with her hair. So the house was fill with the frangrance of the perfume.
Amazing how Jesus let me walk through this whole process. A week before I had the procedure, I realized I was looking for Jesus outside myself. Then for a few days, every time I prayed, I would try and look up. I had to remind myself to look for Jesus within, not to the sky. Chin to chest.
Then He reveals to me, I can look up, if I stay at his feet.
You may think ok why so literal? Does it matter if you look up or down or around, I mean your praying and that is what matters. Yes, this is true but it is in the subtleties of our reasoning, our understanding, that makes the difference.
Jesus was revealing to me that he truly does live inside of me. He really does clean you white as snow. Nothing about what I have done or what was done to me is still there. He has really taken up residence in my heart. I needed to truly understand the length, and width, height and depth of God's love for me before I could worship Him in spirit and in truth looking up at him from the vantage point of being at his feet.
Ephesians 3:17-19 and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. I pray that you, being rooted and firmly established in love, 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the length and width, height and depth of God’s love, 19 and to know Christ’s love that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. John 4:24 God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in Spirit and in truth.
In the subtleties of your reasoning, in our habits and old way of thinking is where we must allow Jesus to renew our mind. This is how you heal. Jesus really had to lay out for me a brand-new way of thinking, moving, being. A deeper way of understanding. Ephesians 4:23 to be renewed in the spirits of your minds,
It's not literally about where your eyes are focused, when you pray or worship, it's about where your heart is focused. What is your heart posture?
I was trying to pull Jesus to me when he was already right there. Once I fully got the revelation in my heart where Jesus resides, only then could He reveal to me why I want to look up when I pray. I choose to live at the feet of Jesus. I will always need to remain at his feet. And will always look up to him. Because he is where my help comes from. Colossians 1:27 God wanted to make known among the Gentiles the glorious wealth of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.
First things first, Jesus is as close as my beating heart.
Romans 10:6-8 But the righteousness that comes from faith speaks like this: Do not say in your heart, “Who will go up to heaven?” that is, to bring Christ down or, “Who will go down into the abyss?” that is, to bring Christ up from the dead. 8 On the contrary, what does it say? The message is near you, in your mouth and in your heart.[f] This is the message of faith that we proclaim: If you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 One believes with the heart, resulting in righteousness, and one confesses with the mouth, resulting in salvation. 11 For the Scripture says, Everyone who believes on him will not be put to shame,[g] 12 since there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, because the same Lord of all richly blesses all who call on him. 13 For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.[h]
Then look up, because I choose to remain at the feet of Jesus in prayer, worship, and with everything that I do.
Acts 17:28 For in him we live, and move, and have our being...
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